Robin's Summer
by LittlePlasticCastle
Summary: What's going on in Robin's head about a possible relationship with Barney ? Takes place during the summer after "The Leap" S.04
1. Chapter 1

Hey everyone !

This is my first attempt to write fan fiction _ever_ so I hope you'll enjoy it. I've been a big supporter of Barney/Robin since the beginning and I just wanted to put into words what I think is going on in Robin's head during the summer after The Leap (s.4)

English is not my first language so please feel free to correct me.

Robin's states of mind are inspired by on of Björk's old songs called "Violently Happy".

A/N I don't own HIMYM characters or tv show's storyline / I don't own Björk's lyrics or songs. What goes on Robin's head in this story is just my guess :)

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Chapter 1.

**Since I've met you, This small town**

**Hasn't got room for my big feelings**

_We can sort this out later._

That's where they left things two months before.

He had decided to confront her, back in that hospital room after Ted's « accident » with the goat, and she had tried to Mosby him – tried to make him change his mind. His feelings. She still couldn't believe he had feelings for her. Cool, womanizer-for-life Barney. Her best friend Barney.

She still couldn't believe it and yet she had thrown herself into that kiss that had changed everything.

She was so confused back then. When she overheard his conversation with Ted, where he basically asked permission from her ex-boyfriend to make a move on her, she started having mixed feelings about it. About _him_. She felt both curious and totally freaked out. Curious about how it could be, the challenge – Robin Scherbatsky always liked a challenge – to be the one who makes Barney Stinson get involved in a relationship. She could feel the pride to be the one – the first one – to do that in a long time. But she was scared, too. She was scared they would break each other's hearts and never be friends again. She would hate never to be friends with him again, hate it so much.

They were perfect for each other. He had pointed this out since the beginning, since that night they had gone out bro-ing about in the city, a few months after they'd met. Admittedly he had come on to her a little strong. And even if she had been secretly flattered, she had feelings for Ted back then. But he had counted the ways they could be great together - both scared of commitment, both looking for something casual, both being totally awesome together - and he had a point. She knew it. She knew all this. Yet why was she so afraid to give in ?

Because she knew this time it wouldn't be a one-night stand. She knew it wouldn't be casual anymore. She knew that, in his own way, Barney Stinson was ready to commit. And she wasn't sure she was ready to deal with it.

And the other disturbing thing was that she didn't know what to do with the increasing number of butterflies in her stomach. With the ache that would grab her gut everytime she walked back home at night after hanging out with the gang at McLaren's, thinking someday she could walk back home at night with her boyfriend Barney. _Oh my God that just sounded so weird_. But yet so obviously right. The way he took his time, never mentionned it, just smiled at her with such affection underneath his slightly sarcastic grin. She was thankful for his giving her time to think, for being so tactful. Nobody in the group seemed to suspect the slow dance they were dancing towards each other that summer.

And so every time she crossed the bridge and looked back at the illuminated skyline of Manhattan, she felt her insides swell with something both painful and wonderful. _Because it's not love, but it's still a feeling,_ she'd sing along that pop song that floated in her ears. And that feeling was growing, unexpected, exciting, flowing all over New York. This city was her new home, and maybe it was time to listen to what it was saying. _Life is so, so good_, she'd think. _So let's not be scared of it_.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

**I tiptoe down to the shore**

**Stand by the ocean**

She was reluctant to talk about it with her friends, even though they knew something must have happened between them since the Mosby trick. One night, when she found herself in their usual booth at McLaren's alone with Lily, she almost let something slip – but she changed her mind just before she opened her mouth, and had a sip of her beer to drown her dilemma in it instead.

Later that night, the guys joined them at the bar and the conversation was so casual that it hurt her. She didn't want them to acknowledge what she was going through, but couldn't any of them notice it ? She felt so awkward, yet so excited, to talk to them as if nothing was going on – but _what_ was going on, really ? – especially to Barney. She would look at him a bit longer than necessary, let her gaze linger on his mouth, on his hands, until he noticed – but only until he alone noticed. It was like a game they played, while no one else was watching. _It kinda feels like foreplay_, she'd think, and then _Stop Robin it's Barney, come on… it's _Barney_. _But why didn't the idea of _foreplay with Barney_ disturb her more ?

It only confused her more.

She'd go back home, watch some TV while slouching on her couch, wondering how her dogs enjoyed life in a farm, wondering what stupid things they'll make her do tomorrow at work, wondering if Barney will watch it… _Why does my mind keep coming back to him ?_

_« Hey Barney. »_

_« Hey Scherbatsky. To what do I owe the pleasure ? » _His voice sounded flirty – as usual anyway – but she could sense a hint of hesitation in it.

_« Well, I'm home watching really crappy TV, and I don't think I'll be able to sleep. Wanna go out and have a drink ? »_

_« … Sure. » _Did he just sound surprised ? _ « Awesome. Get ready, Sparkles, I'll come and pick you up in half an hour. »_

_How nice_, she thought, _did he ever come over to pick anyone up ?_ She reviewed the contents of her wardrobe, trying to find something that made her look good, look pretty, look sexy… _Stop. I don't need to look sexy. I don't know what I want from him. I don't know why I called him. I don't want him to get the wrong message._ While she got dressed, casual jeans, casual black tshirt and cute pumps – come on, she couldn't decently go out at night wearing sneakers – she wondered what the wrong message would be.

But once she sat in the cab with him, laughing about their day, her job, Ted's obsession with giving the perfect lecture on his first day at Columbia – she remembered why she'd called him. It was so easy being with him, they made each other laugh almost instantly. She had called him because he was the one she wanted to call when she didn't feel good, he was the one she wanted to call when she wanted to talk, he was the one who made her feel smart and worthy and beautiful in good times and in bad. Except this time he was the _reason_ why she didn't feel so good, he was the reason why she wanted to feel beautiful and worthy and smart.

She knew it since that night when he conforted her after her lousy break up with Simon – how come he was the only one of the gang to manage to cheer her up then ? – and they ended up sleeping together. _That was good_, she thought before quickly suppressing that thought. It was embarassing to think that, now they were facing each other in that trendy lounge he had brought her to.

They talked for three hours. She didn't remember exactly what they talked about – she only remembered that it was an actual conversation, about work and their careers and their friends and their childhoods – but she remembered how it felt. She remembered the tension, the emotion when her hand accidentally brushed his when she was grabbing a napkin on the other side of the table. She remembered his gaze on her while they talked, what his eyes said that his words didn't – _oh Robin, honey, how can you be so cheesy?_ But in the same time it felt incredibly comforting to be looked at like this.

He didn't try to bring the subject of _them _that night, and she knew she'd be the one who'd have to take the decisive step, he had done so much already. When they left the bar, she resisted the urge to hug him tight before getting in the cab he had hailed for her. It wouldn't do any good, she had to be sure of her feelings before even thinking of touching him. _He's so close to me, one more step and I'll be in his space and_ NO.

Alone in the cab on her way back home, at four in the morning, she felt she had something inside her that needed to get out. She asked the driver to drop her on Brighton Beach, facing the Atlantic. She didn't care the neighborhood wasn't that safe at night, she felt invincible, and yet she felt vulnerable, she felt as if the hard wind hitting her body standing on the shore wasn't enough to solve her dilemma.

She faced the waves and screamed her questions to the ocean until the sun came out…

**Make it roar at me**

**And I roar back**


End file.
